Lords of RPG

The confusing parts of Lord of the Rings start to make a lot more sense when you realize it's actually just a transcribed #DnD campaign. THREAD:

1) Starts with a long, low-level adventure of just getting out of The Shire and getting the ring to Rivendell. DM originally prepped a low-level hobbit campaign for their roommates who had never played before.

2) DM lets their friend Steve play an OP wizard character from a previous campaign because Steve is super busy IRL and only found out he could play at the last minute, but everyone is into it because Steve rules.

3) Steve is clearly a touring musician IRL, because Gandalf is constantly dipping out of sessions for extremely weak in-game reasons. Steve also keeps writing original songs for the campaign world, which is why there's a goddamn new elf-song on every other page.

4) Word gets out that a fun campaign is going on. DM agrees to let Rachel play a badass ranger, she's so amped that she immediately writes 40 pages of backstory. DM reads it and thinks "This is honestly more compelling than what I had planned. Is this the campaign now?"

5) Meanwhile, three other close friends find out Rachel is joining and pressure DM to let them play too. DM caves immediately.

6) DM responds to overwhelmingly large 9 person party by completely shifting the tone of the campaign and giving a wild, over-the-top plot hook. "The ONLY WAY to SAVE the WORLD is to take this SPECIFIC RING to a SPECIFIC VOLCANO! Got it!?!?"

7) Everyone very psyched. Boromir's player Kevin tries to stir up trouble "because that's what his character would do." Fuckin' Kevin.

8) DM plans the MOST badass dungeon, ends up railroading the party a bit to get there. ("Uh, you can't go over Caradhras... It's, uh... It's an evil mountain." "What? What the hell is an Evil Mountain?" "Look, just GO TO MORIA, okay!?!?)

9) Dungeon is awesome. Great encounters. Pippin rolls a Nat 1 on Stealth. Drums in the Deep. And right before the final Boss Battle... Steve books a gig in another city that's gonna take him out of town indefinitely. Everyone SUPER BUMMED!

10) DM and Steve work out an awesome death scene, other PCs escape. Very sad, ends up making a great plot moment. Steve ceremonially burns Gandalf's character sheet. Lots of hugs and tears at the end of the session.

11) Steve's death ends up being a great turning point, snaps everyone into character, RP heightens dramatically. Gimli's player Jess makes a WILD choice to fall in love with Galadriel?? Totally out of left field, but everyone is VERY INTO IT.

12) IRL, Summer is drawing to a close, people's class/work schedules are not lining up. Tensions manifest in weird character choices. Kevin has Boromir go full-blown evil, tries to steal the ring. (Fuckin' Kevin)

13) However, right afterwards intense combat breaks out, and Kevin makes an awesome character choice. For the 1st time since Weathertop a PC is making death saves. DM lets Boromir retain consciousness to run an awesome scene with Aragorn. Kevin rolls 3rd failure. Boromir is dead.

14) Game has gotten SO INTENSE. Group agrees that 8 PCs is too hard to schedule during the school year, so Thursday nights will be a side quest in Rohan, while the main plot will continue just with the DM, their roommates, + Kevin.

15) Kevin asks if he can roll up an ACTUALLY evil character this time. DM is not really into it, offers to let Kevin play the NPC Gollum, thinking he'll turn it down. Kevin is BEYOND stoked, enthusiastically agrees. DM is STUNNED. Fuckin' Kevin.

16) DM now needs to do twice as much prep work per week, but running sessions is twice as easy. Gets a text on their phone from Steve. "Hey, gig fell through, moving back!... Did we take a photo of my character sheet? I don't remember ANY of my stats, lol."

17) Steve re-rolls Gandalf, gets FOUR 18s, a 16 & a 15, plus full solo XP for the Balrog fight. Gandalf is 3 levels higher and unrecognizably OP, so Steve says "I'm gonna play him like he's sort of a different guy" Which is helpful, cause Steve IRL can never remember anything.

18) The DM is planning for Gandalf to reappear when the other PCs rescue Merry & Pip, but the dice screw those plans over. Merry & Pip roll THREE Nat 20's in a row, and against all odds escape into Fangorn, an area the DM has done ZERO prep work for.

19) This DM is a preparer by nature, meticulous notes, maps, etc. Forced by good rolls into improvising, the DM just goes fully off the rails. "You see, uhh, there's, uhh, a... living tree, with a beard."
"Whoa! What's its name?"
"..... Treebeard."
Table EXPLODES with laughter.

20) "The tree with a beard is named Treebeard?"
"NO! I mean, yes, but... that's a nickname! His real name is... Fangorn."
"Isn't that the forest?"
"Shut up! I mean... Wait, yes! They're named after each other. This is a meaningful connection, not a mistake. Let's order pizza!"

21) Meanwhile, the roomies game + Kevin is WAY less rowdy. It is dark, dreary, and full of RP. DM's two roommates have started dating IRL, Sam and Frodo's friendship increasingly soft and intimate, set to a horrifying backdrop of Kevin going FULLY method on his goblin dog-boy.

22) With a smaller party, the relatively newish roomies feel confident taking the lead, but are not big combat players. They stealth out of every possible encounter. Kevin, so delighted to finally be playing an evil PC is, MIRACULOUSLY, behaving himself. Fuckin' Kevin???

23) Things get tense again when Sam's player sees Kevin having a private rendezvous with the DM on campus asking about "other ways into Mordor." Sam is suddenly very suspicious, which Kevin calls out as meta-gaming. All of this PALES in comparison though to the coming shitstorm:

24) Frodo & Sam are captured by Faramir, a new NPC, and Kevin's old character's brother. Gollum evades capture at first, but DM is tired of party-splitting (Thursdays have juggled Ents/Rohirrim for WEEKS), so DM has a private meeting with Frodo's player to lure Gollum into a trap

25) Gollum, on a 22 Perception, feels safe. When rangers leap out & capture Gollum, DM insists they rolled Nat 20s. Kevin mutters, "Railroading. Nice. Whatever." Accuses Frodo's player of helping the DM. Final straw? DM has Faramir give up the One Ring and let Frodo keep it.

26) Context: When Kevin was playing Boromir, his justification was always that ANY man of Gondor would take the ring. DM has now in-canon refuted that. Feels like a commentary on how Kevin played Boromir. Kevin's eyes go dark. The age of RP is over. Fuckin' Kevin hath returned.

27) Back in Rohan, DM is gearing up for a huge battle right when Steve books a gig. Helm's Deep goes from "Hard" to "Total Party Kill." Plus, Merry & Pip keep badgering DM for more Ent lore, prompting an unhinged story about Entwives that PCs insist will be focus of 2nd campaign.

28) DM is also struggling because of a miscalculation. Rachel included a ton of romance in her character's backstory, so DM introduced an awesome NPC, Eowyn, just for Aragorn to flirt with. Rachel is SUPER meh about it, so DM asks afterwards if she'd prefer Arwen be here instead?

29) Rachel explains that while she likes THE IDEA of romance, doing it at the table feels mushy/weird. She would prefer Aragorn to be THEORETICALLY in love, and for his perfect Elven GF to never, ever, ever, ever, ever show up under any circumstances, ever. "Got it," says DM.

30) By way of apology, DM lets Rachel take a homebrew feat from a defunct RPG forum called "Ghost Master," a combo Turn Undead/Dominate Monster. Jess points out the feat has unlimited duration/range, no HD cap and should prob be nerfed. DM handwaves this. "It will never come up."

31) Helm's Deep wraps up with an 11th hour Steve arrival, avoiding a TPK. Hugely fun, everyone levels, Merry & Pip get a MUCH NEEDED stat improvement with some Ent Draught, and DM teases FINALLY going to Gondor after Winter Break. HELL YEAH!!!

32) The DM is psyched to wrap up the other party... until Kevin looks the DM in the eyes and says "We're going to Cirith Ungol." Because of their earlier rendezvous, Kevin KNOWS this is the lair of a CR 11 Monstrous Spider. He knows... and he's gone full PVP. FUCKIN'!!! KEVIN!!!

(See you guys here next year, I guess!?)